Giving yourself time
Grief is a process that takes time. Be patient and kind to yourself. Wanting to get out of pain in a hurry can be counterproductive and sooner or later it will catch up with you again. Accept the day, the hours, the moments, as they appear, avoiding judgments and with compassion, everything will flow day by day.
Contact with nature
Breathing fresh air, feeling the sun, listening to the singing of birds, walking barefoot on the sand or grass, watching a sunset, listening to the running of the water, all this gives the feeling that there is more air in the Body. Connecting with Nature reminds us of the very processes of life and their “naturalness”. Approaching these spaces of light will help us illuminate our interior.
Surrounding yourself with people who transmit peace to you
It is very difficult to know what to say or how to accompany the mourners when a child dies. There will be people who project their fears and are insistent on asking you how things happened, wanting to foresee that nothing similar will happen to them. There will be those who, given the overwhelming situation, completely evade the issue, as if nothing had happened, in short, there may be various attitudes of people, most of the time without intent, that will make you feel very uncomfortable or restless. If this situation is constantly repeated with someone, you can put some momentary distance. It is time to recover from an immense injury and as such, you should take care of yourself until you have more resources for socialization.
Be an ally of your faith or belief
If you have any faith or belief that helps you connect with your spiritual side, occupy it as much as you can. Your son died physically, but the non-corporeal part is still as alive as before, so you can continue to connect with him from that place and it will give you the necessary strength for your recovery and resignification process.
Investment of time
With the passage of time, emotions stabilize and there may be greater moments of tranquility. However, time alone will not be able to heal enough. Investing time in internalizing, becoming aware of everything that was removed before death, and working on it, will help us grow and re-signify some or various aspects of our personality.
Allow yourself to laugh
Faced with so much pain, it is difficult to believe that there is something that can cause us laughter or joy. However, many situations, memories, or people can continue to generate them. You will probably laugh spontaneously, allow it to flow just like any other emotion. It will generate endorphins that will help you feel better and decrease cortisol, which will surely have generated stress. It will always be beneficial to remind you that there are still things, people, and situations in your life to be happy about.
Be Happy with what you do have to
Value everything that you do have at this time will be an incentive to move forward. From the simplest to the most complex …
Celebrate everything that can be celebrated, our Anniversary, a birthday, some achievement, it is difficult to have the spirit for big parties, just sharing moments that have had a growing impact in our lives with people who are not us. meaningful, they will help us to treasure all the values that still remain in our environment.
Dispense with the physical and emotional presence of our son is devastating. At first, even breathing is difficult. Fortunately, we can stay connected from the spiritual, energetic, intangible part that we know is there. The love of a child is eternal.
Treasure Your Partner
You have probably heard that of 10 marriages that have suffered the death of a child, 8 ends in divorce. Some of the main causes are fault. In reality, none of us have the power to decide or control when someone is born or dies. There are babies who have survived for days under the rubble and others who die for no apparent reason, having had the best care. Leaving the judgments and blame aside, they will help us find empathy for ourselves and for our partner. They both share the same intensity of pain. It helps to respect the pain and the times of the other and to share with love the moments that are possible. Love is largely a matter of will, if you decide to accompany each other and walk together with ups and downs and all the challenges that it implies,
Caring for your other children
The feeling of not being able to take care of them or the need for overprotection may be emotions and thoughts that you are probably going through. Having the same care that you will have to take for yourself will be the same that will benefit them. Physical, emotional, and psychological care according to their age. However, the most important thing for them will be to continue feeling loved by their parents, to know that they are still capable of caring for them and that they are still as important as the brother who died.
Carry out activities that connect you with Life and the Future of it.
Whether it is your job, your Parents, your other children, your friends, your pet, a trip, something, or many things, there will be that connect you with your physical reality. You are still alive and you do not know for how long you will be. Continue or seek to carry out the activities that continue to give meaning to your significance. It is the moment when you will need to rise from your own ashes like the Phoenix.
Honor your Child’s Memory
There will be many common and very personal ways in which you can pay homage to him. The Rituals bring you closer to its Memory and the space it occupies today.
You can plant a tree, offer a Mass, make an album with its best moments, light a candle on its Anniversary, make a donation to a Foundation, celebrate its birthday, write a poem, in short, any ritual that gives you peace, that allows you to feel his love and his presence from another place.